Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
