Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
