It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
