I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
