Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
