The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
