my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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