you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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