Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
