i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
