i think my tv is drunk
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
