Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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