I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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