I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
