i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
