How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
