Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I bet he comes in French.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
