I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
