there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
