I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
wrigley field is MILF paradise
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
