So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I could fuck to npr.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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