The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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