that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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