Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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