I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
