its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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