the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
