Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
