Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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