we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
