He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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