you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
