He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
