3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
