what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
