My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need a burrito and a hug.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
