We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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