Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
