I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
