I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
did i walk over a car last night?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
