If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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