you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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