so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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