i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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