is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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