Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
