do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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