I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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