this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
