shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
