Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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