she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
this will be a night to untag.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
