Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
