I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
