I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
