Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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