smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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