im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
