How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
