I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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