Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize