I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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