At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
