DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
