You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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