my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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