Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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