My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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