The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
